Impostor syndrome and what you can do about it

I did my MBA from the Indian School of Business, Hyderabad. After years of anxiety, self doubt, trying to answer “What do I want to do with my life?” and writing several exams, it all happened very quickly. One day I was submitting my application, the next I was giving an interview and suddenly I was in! 

During my first week of classes at ISB, I found myself thinking “How did I get in?”, “Did they make a mistake?”, “Ah I got in because I was lucky”. Typical signs of the impostor syndrome. ISB has one of the most thorough admissions processes (take it from someone who has been on the admissions panel #humblebrag) and here I was simply discounting all the rounds that I had cleared and doubting my abilities. This wasn’t the first time I was facing this. I had faced this all my life, at school, at work (all my workplaces), playing Ultimate Frisbee, what not! 

If this sounds familiar, join the club! I’m writing this to share some things that have helped me combat this feeling and I sincerely hope this helps whoever is reading this. By no means is this list exhaustive or validated by experts, they are just things that I’ve tried, that help me feel better about myself. 

What is impostor syndrome? Do you have it?

Basically impostor syndrome makes you feel like an impostor, i.e., you feel like you don’t have the skills/qualification to do what you’re doing. If you’re constantly doubting yourself and thinking “I’m not good enough”, then you’re probably suffering from the impostor syndrome.

Common triggers

1. Extremely important deadline looming ahead (exam, presentation, product release, article due, etc.)

2. New environment (new university, new workplace, new team, doing something that you have never done before in a professional context)

3. Extremely talented peers

Common exhibitors

1. Fear of failure - You’re really worried about the outcome and it feels like you just cannot afford to fail. This fear is paralyzing and people facing this will not be able to get any work done towards their deliverable.

2. Discounting yourself - Let’s say you get recognized for your work - awards, praise, promotion, etc. Impostor syndrome makes you tell yourself that this was no big deal and you didn’t deserve it, this was just luck, etc.

3. Being extremely hard on yourself  - You set a goal for yourself, you achieve it but you’re never happy. You don’t celebrate the wins enough. Even in a big win, you only see things that could have gone better or that failed.

Start at the beginning

Before we think about how to deal with this, it helps to start with a little bit of self reflection. Think about why you’re feeling this way, what’s the trigger, trace it back to where it all started. This will help figure out what exactly you’re trying to deal with - restore self worth, get out of inaction, etc. You could do a variety of things to understand what you’re feeling such as meditation, writing it out in a journal and/or reading up online.

Let’s take a scenario - I’ve just joined a new job and I’m suddenly feeling unsure of myself because everyone around me is super comfortable and familiar with the working environment. But since I’m new and have no context, I’m going to be judged on everything I do. Suddenly, I have this self doubt “Am I good enough or am I just a hack? Have I been fooling myself and the world all this time?” 

Dealing with impostor syndrome

1. Do things that involve some skill and that you enjoy doing (effort : very high) - Now if your first thought to this is “What is skill? Do I have skill?” you are not alone 😂. Jokes apart, try and see that this activity is not related to a core part of your work skill. 

• The familiarity of this activity helps you ground yourself and recognize that you have skills and a life that is outside of work (the core thing that you do for a living). As you get into this activity, your mind starts to focus on what you’re doing and you’ll get some quiet time from the impostor syndrome. As you complete this activity, the sense of accomplishment will flood your brain and body with happiness and positivity.

• If you aren’t able to zero in on a skill even after some mild introspection, talk to a friend about what you’re good at or doing a shared activity.

• A side note - side projects really help here. If you’re already doing something on the side like running a podcast series, blogging, community service, etc., spend some extra time on your side project whenever you’re feeling low about yourself.

     Examples

1. I enjoy working out, so I just put on some music and go for a run, play ultimate frisbee or join my regular workout class. I’m familiar with this activity and the people involved (people I’m training with, coaches, etc.)

2. Maybe you’re really good at sketching out something, knitting or doing a mandala, do it!

3. If cooking is your jam, cook up a storm for your family/friends or just yourself even!

4. Playing an instrument/singing.

5. Watching a movie, reading, shopping, eating, etc do not fall into this list. More on this below.

2. Take a break (effort : very low)- If you didn’t vibe with point 1 at all and you’re feeling really low, then take a break. Do whatever makes you happy (maybe don’t quit that job just yet). This will give you short term reprieve. However, I have noticed that over a period of time, the short term reprieve lasts lesser and lesser and does not make a difference beyond a certain point. So at some point in time, you’ll want to “do something about it” in which case you can try out the other options. (not discounting this option at all, I think it really helps to reset frequently.)

3. Learn a new skill (effort: high)  - If you’re feeling like an impostor because you’re pressured by the competence of people around you, go learn a new skill with a random group of people who are also starting off like you are. This helps because everyone doing this new activity is at the same level and there’s no space for comparison. The “learning” part also helps you focus and concentrate on this activity and gives you lesser time to feel like an impostor. If you’re extremely competitive by nature, then try and do an activity that’s not competitive. 

4. It isn’t always about you (effort: medium)  - I mean this is in the best way possible. Look around objectively and you’ll see that not everyone’s perfect and everyone’s just trying their best. Also, not everything is a competition. If you genuinely feel like someone’s better than you, you could always learn from them and use that to do a better job. Another point to keep in mind here is that some of your peers might also be feeling like impostors. This means that you are not alone.

5. Talk (effort: medium) - Talk about what you’re feeling. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, we know a lot of people feel this way at some point in time in their lives. Depending on how intensely you’re feeling this, you could talk to friends/family/a therapist. These people will hype you up and make you remember who you are and where your strengths lie.

   • Get feedback - You could also look at getting feedback from your manager/peers at work (if you look up to them and are open to learning). This way you know how you’re actually doing at work vs what you’re feeling. If you’re doing as bad as you’re feeling, then you can always learn and get better (or be more drastic and consider a different role, place, etc). If you’re doing better than you’re feeling (which will most likely be the case), then it makes it easier to feel less like an impostor.

6. Start small (effort: medium) -  If you’re feeling overwhelmed about a big deadline looming ahead, break it down and just get started. Your first version may not be perfect but atleast you know where to go from there! 

7. Look at the big picture (effort : medium)  - When you’re feeling really low, it helps to go back to why you’re doing what you’re doing. Look at the goals, is it to learn a new skill? is it to become an expert? Keeping the goal in mind, will help break the mental barriers and will help you accept your reality quicker. Another way to deal with this is by asking yourself “What’s the worst that could happen?” and walk through all the scenarios. This way you know what you’re in for and most likely reality will be a lot easier than these negative scenarios. If not, you’ve already prepared for it!

   TLDR : It’s all in the mind. It is not easy to rid ourselves of this feeling. All we can do is recognize it, accept it and try to fight it 💪🏿.